Byakuren, Nuff said

IT IS OUT

UFO IS OUT


OH YES, CHIYURI GOT A MAKEOVER



THERE IS A UMINEKO CHARACTER INSIDE IT

(cause she dresses in gothic style)

YES I AM TROLLING

BUT HELL YEAH

IT IS OUT.

iRAGE

I have no better picture.


I shall list the stuff that killed off many American comics for me:

1. Iron Man - it was damn good, and then, Nick Fury beat down Tony Stark, and Tony Stark became a lackey to SHIELD.

2. Spiderman - Peter is a clone of Ben, Venom becomes a father to Toxin (another symbiote), Doc Ock is Peter's adoptive father.

3. X-men - Wolverine vs THE FUCKING UNIVERSE, and won.

4. Silver Surfer - Doctor Doom beat him, and he became 'The Watcher' and he lived on a planet with giant walking caterpillars that have sex with him to cast future visions of the universal flow of time.

5. Batman - he joined the League, nuff said. and before that back in Detective Comics, he had a pink Bat suit.

6. Superman - Superman's family came and join him on earth, all hell broke loose. Several years later, there is Superboy, Supergirl, Superauntie, Supergrandpa, Superkid, Superwhatever... and Superman can apparently shoot lasers to destroy planets lol.

7. Hulk - World War Hulk has the ability to tear up continents, fuck that.

8. The Flash - He can run 10 times the speed of light. BECAUSE FUCK YOU EINSTEIN.

9. Elektra - Shit just got real and movie that sucks.

10. X-men (specific universe or some other) - Revealed: Sinister can control universes, Thanos attacked and just won't stay dead after getting killed THEN HE IS NOT REALLY KILLED NOW ISN'T HE? Scott had a son. Rogue became Peter Petrelli and Mystique is her mom. Cable came from the future to fuck shit up in the present, and then Apocalypse shows up and all of a sudden, Galactus too. It was all over with yet again, the ULTIMATE NULIFIER, a device as simple as a bloody teapot (and looks like one except palm sized) that SCARES THE FUCK OUT OF GALACTUS from eating earth.

Kamen Rider Decade Review 1

Note: before clawing my head and breaking my toes while pulling out my nails with pliers forcefully, this review is not for the lovers or the haters, but people who can take a review and like the show on for what it is.

To begin with, let me start by how I expected Decade.
When the news of a new Rider series is about to premier earlier this year I was very impressed, I was shocked even to hear there will be return of all the previous Heisei riders to join him in this epic show about crossing over to other universes and finding one's own world.

I am, and truly impressed. To be fair, I didn't think much of Decade, I like his name, 10 years = decade, and that itself sounded really epic, what if the series expands over a ten year timeline, where the lead person, Tsukasa would have to journey for 10 years to find his world? I thought, damn, actual character growth and development in this joint? I think I am very impressed and I am sure I would love this for the blowing block of it.

Then, when the shape of Decade began to form, I thought, hmmm... this is Tendou type character, overpowered, ignorant, arrogant, personality is trifling, I like it. His face wasn't much to speak on, I thought his lips were too thick for a male model, and that the hair he does makes him a bit of a gay icon really. A change in every episode? That is 31 hairstyles! (there are 31 episodes all in all)

The fighting all were pretty darn good, not the best, as there are inconsistencies (Kuuga for example was demoted to being comic relief, and Diend in that Sentai episode getting owned by a squid), as there are also apparent blocks of plot armor. Diend appeared some time after as a second rider (much like Den-O there are only 2 time travelling, dimension crossing riders, thank god...)



I can believe it as such that it is a matter of preference, but sometimes in the show, like how the epic decide to strung along, there are characters that are doing things totally unlikely.

While according to official data, Decade (pink) is supposedly able to execute the moves of those riders before him and use their ultimate attacks, Diend (blue) is supposedly only able to use the riders themselves, he is apparently supposedly not able to execute for example rider kick, or certain moves that include borrowing moves from other riders.

In certain episodes, Diend demonstrated the opposite, this being good to a certain extent until you wonder, 'now why didn't he do it the first time?' He apparently can 'clock up' moving at the speed faster than a bullet, at some points in the show. He can take plenty of damage, but at some point he was also taken out by a single shot from Apollo Geist. He can turn invisible (more like phase shift out of a dimension) and it was never explained how did he travel from world to world.

According to fan data, he follows Tsukasa about, but then again, how? Tsukasa and co travels in the moving photo-studio, but Diend seems to pop up behind pillars in the middle of nowhere, where does he sleep? where does he rest his laurels? where does he keep his stolen treasures? In one particular episode, it was revealed he could in fact use his gun to summon a weapon of choice, and fire at the enemy through Kamen Form Ride, and damn I was surprised when he just finished off Dark Ryuki summoned by Narutaki like a bug squashed. This shows his caliber, but as he was fighting a newer more complete form of Decade, he clearly demonstrated before he could own Decade, but he didn't. Instead, towards the near end now of the series, he demonstrated an increasingly 'gay' outlook, being seemingly keen to garner Tsukasa's attention saying things like 'I want you to look at me more', 'look at me for what I am' Sounds like what a lover would say to another eh?

Now, moving on, despite anticipation, many of the characters were left almost seemingly forgotten.

Narutaki doing his doomsayer thing

Narutaki, whom is an annoying following that is also cum-doomsayer of the show that seems to predict these non-existant options about 'if you are involved with Decade, bad things will happen' and is seemingly the one that went around every world in his free time to talk to other riders (which surprisingly nobody suspects him for bullshitting) about Decade, 'Oh look, a guy right, called Decade right? He is gonna destroy your world, if you see him, punch him in the dick, we cool? *brofist*' is seemingly the case.


This is Kiva...
Kivarella (a whitish/silverish bat fangire) that lives in the studio being the apparent 'friend' to the old dude, Ojiisan (I don't even know what his name is, but it was shown in several trailers he will become a big figure in the movie...quite suddenly despite being over 30 episodes full of comic relief and creepy old man); Kivarella has remained useless. there were promises where she could have been a big option to Decade, possibly Natsumi even due to the fanwank, but then that is what it should have been, instead there was no character development and an extra character was introduced for no apparent reason and left to rot in the background.
She was supposed to be the Henshin device for Decade, supposedly even spawning a 'Silver Kiva' which would have been quite epic.


Natsumi plays a not too convincing role of a tsundere lover in the background for world seeker Tsukasa, and the feelings appear only mutual after episode 24 when she visited the 'Nega World' (Negative World, not Nigger World) and was simultaneously aware of her stupidity to deny reality set before her eyes (despite traveling to countless fantasy like worlds) and chose to believe her friends are who they are. Her role was almost silent, little or no involvement in a close but very far relationship seemed to brew, yet it was clear that Tsukasa, too busy being the savior of worlds and hitting up on different riders to get to the bottom of their issues to solve getting a Kamen Ganba-Ride Card, was seemingly unaware of her feelings. (Yet) In the episode where Apollo Geist took Natsumi's life force and left her to die, Tsukasa used his life to save hers, an unexpected act of valiant friendship was more like it than actual love, because their relationship was almost lamenting and non-existant.

All in all, there were many instances where I just sort of look at the whole show and I began to write this.

Tomorrow, I will write part 2, and by then I suppose there will much much more to talk about again.

GI Joe is an ok show

GI Joe review

On first sight, the movie strike to me as playing Halo 2. The Accelerator suits X6 or something and that scene where you see in the trailer as they jump about the missiles flying straight for them is testosterone charged and ultra-fly, and the suits make them look like Master Chief.

However, if you actually sit down on watch the show you realize this was another one of those Michael Bay things, it is fast, it is pumping and after all the climax there is nothing left. Which, to some enthusiasts of the original, is an insult, however it is not as the original GI Joe is in fact nothing more than 'Monster of the Week' shows on a Saturday morning. It is a bit like sitting down with your 'waifu' you feel sexually aroused by the perfect skin of your fuckpillow and your figurines, after you masturbate, there is nothing left you can feel for it and you have to seek other sources for entertainment.

The story begins with the creation of nanomachines (cue in Mai-Hime jokes here) by a company called M.A.R.S. (heh, why not P.L.U.T.O. or V.E.N.U.S. hidden references to the male insecurity?) creating liquid filled missile warheads filled with green goop supposedly containing little nanomites capable of eating any sort of metal (this actually exist in the natural world).

Naturally like all war toys, it was to be sold. Needless to be said, despite the onset of a plot, it was quite clear exactly at this point 4 minutes into the show exactly who was the bad guy. Hint: always look for the guy with the funny accent. MARS director or researcher guy revealing the warhead had this unfunny pretentious accent that is too heavy for his own good, and his acting was wooden, leading me to believe that he would turn out bad because of how he acted. AND... I was right!

10 minutes into the show and we are guided to a battlefield, a stealth helicopter plane able to fire soundwaves that can destroy conventional Apaches? Sounds like a plan! The plan was to hijack the weapons.

So far, if you didn't already predict this much you have to be a virgin at the theaters. It was all written for all to see, bad guy comes steal bullets, GI Joe pops up miraculously and saved the day. Then, our lead, played by Tatum, reprising his somewhat Bgrade acting skills from the days of Street Dancing to a military commando called Duke with little or no personality akin to that of Keanu Reeves acting; comes up and say 'I don't care who you are, or what you are, your weapons look so cool I creamed my pants and I want in or I whine about my romance with this girl called Ana back in high school.'

So poof, he was in, despite all the secrecy it was revealed he was 'scouted' by the Joes, they are a military group of militia not guided by anything other than 'this is how America talks, weapons, bombs and freedom.' as their policy. Protecting the peace? These shitpots just ripped up one part of Paris and the Eiffel Tower! (later)

So, off they go and by now you already know there will be a love love affair between the Baroness and Duke because of all the flashbacks, and you already know that Ripcord and Scarlet will be together, so nuff said. You already know that they will go for it again, and thus, the Snakes invited themselves into the SUPER HIGH SECURITY HIDEOUT OF THE JOES and killed their doods.

WOW, WHAM, FIREPOWER, BOOM BLAST BANG POP! and then, nothing. They stole the warheads, and then the warheads were fired etc... (after a chase scene in Paris)

As per usual, films like this dictate that American firms have no responsibility when operating in foreign grounds, a call to the ambassador of France by the president supposedly well aware of the Joes (super highly intensely classified) operations made everything a-okay and the Joes (after an operation that killed many many cute croissant peddling Frenchmen) were released from intense high security anti-terrorism cells.

It makes sense, IRL they would have been executed I reckon. They just tore down the city and sunk the Eiffel Tower sideways, that is NAPOLEON'S GIANT PENIS IN THE CITY YOU FUCKTARDED AMERICANS! The French must have said in their hearts, but no, GI Joe stands above teh law.

Whatever it is, the rest I would leave it to you to explore, if there was anything left.



Verdict:

If anything, the show was like an adrenaline rush, five steps in and you are greeted with a BOOOOOM, or a SHOOOOM, the idea behind them doesn't matter, just make it quick fast, corny love affairs thrown in along with iconic roles given to exactly the sort of people YOU KNOW WHO IS GONNA BE in the show.
Yes, there was no surprise, even to those who don't read reviews or cast lists, you already know who is gonna be who.

It proves no help that this movie will indeed get a sequel, not to mention there better be because BRENDAN FUCKING FRASER is in it. Who doesn't want a mummy hunter and to add insult to injury, the mummy himself (Imhotep/Arnold Vosloo) plays as a facechanger Zartan in the show?

Highlight of the show?

NINJAS, FUCKING 2 of THEM SWING SHING KAPING! It was all Ninja bladeworks and flashy showdowns until one goes down. (and all it began with a little brotherly rivalry turned jealousy. )

Safe to say, this will be a show that is akin to masturbation, after you are done, you are left with a hollow feeling as you leave the cinema feeling you been drugged.


Nonetheless, it was enjoyable while it lasted, I go for the Ninjas, if you didn't go for the Ninjas you wouldn't think much of this show either. Snakes Eyes could easily fit to be the gayest icon on movies ever with his matte black skintight outfit. (HOW THE FUCK DOES HE EVEN BREATH IN THAT FUCKING SUIT?)


6/10

Look at the motherfucking motherfucker

JUST LOOK AT IT

DON'T YOU WANT TO SIT YOUR ASSCHEEKS ON THOSE SEATS AND RUB IT ALL DAY LONG?

WELL I DO, ONE LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND I AM LIKE 'WOAH DUDE, CHECK THAT SHIT OUT, THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS MADE OF LIKE ANTI TANK MATERIAL'

SHIT'S REAL

LUXURY IN AN ARMORED VEHICLE

FUCK YES, THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

http://conquestvehicles.com/knight-xv.html



THIS MOTHERFUCKER CAN WITHSTAND 64MM ROUNDS, ARMOR PUNCHING PUNCHBAG WITH A METAL HUSK AND A 60 INCH LCD SCREEN AND WIDE ALL ROUND MEDIA ENTERTAINMENT WHILE YOU MOW DOWN LANE 65 AND HAND THE AMERICANS A PIECE OF DOUCHE SANDWICH. IT IS GREEN TOO, BIOETHANOL 6.8 LITER V10 SUPERCHARGED AT 2000RPM? FUCK YES, JUST THAT NUMBER MADE ME WET MY PANTS.

IT CAN RUN WITHOUT TIRES

IT CAN TAKE BULLETS FROM YOUR 'KOVS

IT CAN RAM INTO SHOPS FILLED WITH ANIME FIGURINES AND KILL ALL THE COSPLAYERS

IT CAN...OH WAIT

YOU GET WHAT I MEAN

FUCK YES

I WANT ONE.

ALSO... 4MILLION BUCKS.