Monday, June 15, 2009

Hmm...Blog's a bitch

Well, contrary to my last post on a review with DMTH, it was revealed to me that DMTH was meant to be a horror comedy.

Now...that, is something I have to apologize for, because in that last post, I reviewed quite harshly on the subject at hand and it did in fact rather occurred to me much later as I pondered about how there is an ANVIL hung up by a rope on the ceiling in her tool shed, that it was all never meant to be serious... or too serious.

However, it was also noted to me that DMTH has nothing to go for it. If it tries to be horror, it failed terribly, if it tried to be horror comedy it failed even harder... There was no laughable moment that wasn't in the least bit humorless.

The humor was so bland, so distasteful Sam Raimi should have looked back at how Peter Parker was doing his FAGGOT DANCE in Spiderman 3 and learn from it, it was all...pathetic. It was wrong, done in a fashion that was without sarcasm aimed at horror movies, done without humor in the right direction!

Among a good few horror comedies that are worth watching:
Slither (considered as one by me)

Slither incorporates humor and lots of gore into it, who ever don't want to see a whole bitch swollen up like a bastard balloon going "OH FUCKKKKK IT IS COMING OUT" when she exploded and gave birth to a few thousand bastards from Mars? Those slithery maggot meat things that crawl on the ground give essence to horror, the sheer number is disturbing and disgusting enough to make your skin crawl. The story ends with a climax as the original infected, the boss king of all...the loving husband who should have taken a piss somewhere else where he won't be attacked and taken over by monster worms from space......; dies, leaving with audience the quote of quite possibly epic... "I love you" the husband inside the monster says. It was beautiful, plus, as a monster, he seemed to enjoy classic love songs! Now that is humor, in a funny sarcastic manner!

Jack Brooks, Monster Slayer boasts some of the cheapest Alien set ups and monster costumes you will ever see. Jack Brooks is hopeless, he is a plumber cum student, useless except for his bad ass attitude and americana hillbilly background. His girlfriend cheats on him and he is about to screw shit up. His professor asks him to help fix a pipe or something and boom, said professor uncovered (without any mention!) a box, containing some artifact shit! Turns out professor became a monster! With TENTACLES to boot! Terrorizing the town until Jack Brooks came back and slam the motherfucker back to Chihuahua Island with the likes of Britney and Paris Hilton with a what? A spanner! YES, A MOTHERFUCKING SPANNER!!
You want epic, you want LOL? You want shitty horror with ultimate humor? This is how you do it.

Shaun of The Dead boasts the returning cast of British actors from the epic like Hot Fuzz (they almost seem to always love being together don't they? and you have to agree, Ricky Gervais sucks as a comedian, Sean Penn says so, don't bother him about it). Shaun of The Dead is no holds barred Harold and Kumar goes to White Castle stupidity of two failures in a small British town coming up with survival plans after a hell hole invasion of infesting undeads, armed with local jokes and even pathetic girlfriends who are better left in the kitchen making sandwitches. Scene funnies included the bit they sift through their records vinyl collection to find stuff they can throw at the zombies, when they have the poorest aim, and the fact those shit vinyls are no better than paper flung into the air. The humor factor lies in two blokes who are as hapless as they are brainless towards the whoe situation when all they have around them is as mad as it can be! Sean Penn's role was remarkable as he stepped out to his local grocery to pick up a canned drink and hasn't noticed for the least bit that his town was infested with zombies! Truly humor at its best.

Tokyo Gore Police is the cream of the crop of utter silly horror, boasting the most insane Japanese imagination possible and bringing together a cast of nobodies for the most obscene role they can ever be found in.

Do you seriously think anyone will still consider you for another role in movies after you have signed on to carry a PENIS MACHINE GUN? Humor comes in the form of a future not too far away when people in Japan are all basically self mutilators that enjoy the cutting of their own flesh and self mutilation in the most absurd manner... including putting one's eyeballs into tubes, and even turning oneself fused into a PISSING CHAIR! The horrendous graphic give rise to the cheapest plastic set ups, but it stirs true horror that the fact that somewhere out there, there are buggers who enjoy posting pictures of themselves leaving deep gashes into their skins, and it scares even more with the fact that maybe one of these buggers are amputees with a purpose, their pain = monster making material! Tokyo Gore Police does not spare a moment of faith for the kind hearted, everyone gets into a gory kill fest towards the end and yet, it is all done in a funny matter, with people spreading ala cartoonish gore into two sides, tits that spray acidic streams of milk, an arm made of an alligator, a guy who sprays blood and uses said spray like a jet engine to fly, a guy with guns attached to his brain!

Think ridiculous, think horror comedy, think gore comedy, think stupidity, you have Tokyo Gore Police.

On a return to topic wise...

Sam Raimi fails.

1 comment:

  1. Penis machine gun?????? NOW I'VE SEEN IT ALL!


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